i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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