Pappa wants mamma naked
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Randomize
