So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
