"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
