i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
