he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
