i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
