Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
