I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize