Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize