So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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