Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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