Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You made out with two different species that night
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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