you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
