I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
