The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
