You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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