its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
