hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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