Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
