I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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