Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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