i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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