So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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