The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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