you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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