check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
