Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
