I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
