just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
