I just saw a hot homeless man
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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