Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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