Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
