Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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