I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
now i know why i became what i already was.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
