Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
