I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
