2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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