Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
