If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
