Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
