Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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