When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
