he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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