Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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