I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
