She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
