we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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