Duck Duck Cougar?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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