Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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