i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
