Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
