I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
