I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
