He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
