He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
