Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
