i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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