Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
