can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
