I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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