You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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