I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
